6 months

July 4th marked the 6 months since my mom's passing. I had an interesting day. I watched the clock for the most part of the day. I was remember what my day had been before the call. The kids and I had been hanging around the house. I had taken some pictures of Kelsey with Andy and MomCat. Was putting away some Christmas decorations. The call came to me just after 5:00pm our time. I was just about to go to the grocery store and my dad called.

It seems like more than six months, but not that long ago since I talked with her. Our last conversation was great. She was having a good day and we were able to chat awhile, that was a Monday. We were in Dickson on Wednesday planning her memorial.

A very dear friend of mine told me something when we got back to Utah. She was calling just to check up on me and see how we were doing. She told me that not everyone grieves the same way. There are no steps you take and everyone is different. That was freeing to me. I was not feeling sad that mom was gone. I was feeling guilty for that. But we did grieve, but not like those who grieve with no hope. She was not herself for the last year. For the last 4 months we had talked less and less. I do believe the Lord was preparing me for when I couldn't call her any more. At first it was hard, i would hear about a book she would love and would want to call her and tell her about it. Or would see an episode of MASH that she love and would want to quote it to her. We finished up decorating the girls room and I stood there and knew she would love it. It was so girly and she loved those kind of things for my girls.

But now she is free. Free indeed. Free from the pain of this old body that was too much for her. Free from the emotional pain that she carried for so long in silence. Free to be with her Savior.

I do miss her, but I know she is much better off where she is.

Her faith is now her eyes and now she can know how much her God loves her.